Crucial Dudes | Doubt

but as far as i can see
the only truth with you and me
is that i think i’ll still enjoy my life without you
and i’ll be fine

believe me, i’m ok
believe me, i’ll be fine
so stay away

(via americanxbutthole)

Every single day

I think about what she did to me.

During our relationship? Whatever. I projected things into her that she was not, I held her in esteem she wasn’t worth. My bad, I left.

Afterward, when I’d broken up with her for the final time and yet still decided I would help her through? She stabbed me in the heart over and over and over again. 

I have had nightmares for the past three nights about the things she did to me. I don’t want to sleep because my mind won’t let me forget what she fucking did.

I don’t care that I broke up with her, I am glad to see her go. But the horrible stuff she did afterward is just haunting me. And it gets worse, the better other people treat me… because the more other people treat me better, the more I realise I was wasting my time on a bad person. A *really* bad fucking person. I can’t believe how terrible she truly was.

I just want peace. How can one person be so horrible? Why won’t my head let the memory of the shit she did escape. I am going to sleep now. I want peace… I’m fine in day to day life, everything is ten times better without that cancer in it. Like I said before, Elli is playing games that I don’t deal with and she’ll drop them if she has any interest in me continuing to see her. Samantha though… Samantha is showing me even more things that Nicole never ever did. Showing me kindness Nicole never ever did, even though I barely know her. The fact that I barely know her is the only thing that keeps me suspicious. It’s funny how I never had problems trusting people before recently. Thanks for fucking that up too, you psychopath.

I wish the last of her filth was out of my head. She doesn’t deserve even a tiny space in my memory.

 nge but insists she is into me, which is fine, but I honestly don’t put up with that kind of stuff so I’m fairly neutral at the moment.
Can’t wait to be taking Anna to town soon! 
I also am headed out tonight broke as fuck, but that’s fine :). Getting real drunk beforehand, and considering how well shit’s gone recently with girls approaching me, it should be fun again!

 nge but insists she is into me, which is fine, but I honestly don’t put up with that kind of stuff so I’m fairly neutral at the moment.

Can’t wait to be taking Anna to town soon! 

I also am headed out tonight broke as fuck, but that’s fine :). Getting real drunk beforehand, and considering how well shit’s gone recently with girls approaching me, it should be fun again!

Got a call at around 12:30am from a friend saying my ex had gone psycho and was harassing her in a club bathroom… get to the club I go to every week to find that my ex has shown up with a me lookalike asking where I was, telling my friends that they and her were closer than I was with them, asking if I was seeing other people etc. I get in there, she is dressed like a prostitute and immediately begins letting the rebound dude grope her, I pull her aside and tell her to stay away from my friends and leave me alone. She promptly leaves.

Seriously, can’t believe how pathetic she has become. Did I really go out with that trainwreck? Had people coming up to me all night asking if I was okay, and honestly? I couldn’t care less. I just hope she takes herself far away from me and the people I know. Tonight was just embarrassing to see. I even had people telling me to let them beat her up (I never told her, but none of my friends like her to begin with), but I would never bother with anything like that. 

Now this whole thing is just cringeworthy. It’s definitely a good thing I told her to grab her stuff and leave me alone, because it’s clear she needed to be far away.

In relevant news, a girl decided to speak to me from BM tonight; Anna. I’ve never really met her but she seems like a nice girl, and I hope to be good friends with her. Sam is still camping and speaks to me when she can, and I’ve been able to reconnect with friends I haven’t seen in a long ass time. Still on the mend after the things she did to me, but definitely much happier than when I was with her. Can’t wait to see my friends more (new, and old) and keep dating. A little confidence has really gone a long way for me- I still think I’m unattractive, but every day a new girl decides she likes me. I don’t lead anybody on, if I like them I like them, if I don’t I won’t lie to them. After all, I am a good friend if I can’t be with them intimately.

Thanks for listening, Tumblr! Tomorrow I’m seeing her, so it’s a good day already!

Met some great people, and have a heap of friends prove that I can count on them recently. I wish I could show my gratitude to them properly for patting me on the back as I climbed back to my feet.

Who would have believed there were girls out there who would treat me like the ones in my life do now? Today was the last I have to hear of my ex, and that means I can finally be freely happy. 

I can’t wait to keep on living, and see what life has in store for me next. 

I’m seeing Elli again on friday and/or sunday, and I’m so excited to cuddle up and watch It’s Always Sunny with her. I still feel like talking to her all day, and I’m still working on calming myself down so as to not annoy her (not that she seems to ever be annoyed when I talk to her). I feel something for her that I haven’t felt before- I hope it works out.

Sam was better at LoL than she lead on, it was fun messing around with her in lane. I enjoy talking to her a lot. She is really great, and I’m lucky to have had her decide she wanted to add and meet me.

Zoe I have no romantic interest in, but she has helped me a lot. It’s great to hear someone’s problems and tell them about mine. 

Let’s go, life! When I get another job and my license I’ll be happier then I’ve ever been!… touch wood.

I’ve had a corrupted mp3 of Pandora by Parkway Drive since like 2008. I’ve had to hear it cut off halfway through the song like seven hundred times now.

Every single time, Winston is like “And it’s freezing my blood until the end… MY BL-“/cutoff

TELL ME WINSTON. TELL ME THE THING YOU WERE TRYING TO SAY. JUST KEEP SINGING GOD FUCKING DAMN IT